I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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