I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
