I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
