looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
