I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
