i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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