i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bring me that man meat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
