just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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