Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
