RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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