Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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