Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize