Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
