all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
