I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
