im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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