New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
