I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
