did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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