I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
