She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
