I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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