I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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