K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
