So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The Olympian is in my bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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