You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
