Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize