That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
