You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
