The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
