Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
