ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
