Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
