Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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