I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
