so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
