He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
