Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Randomize
