***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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