I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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