well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
