my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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