just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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