if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
