ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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