saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
