I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
