I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
