think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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