we're blogging at a bar
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
