Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
