ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
