I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My cat gives me a boner
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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