Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
