i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize