I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
