I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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