3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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