did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you still have your period?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
