He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
