apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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