if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
