dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
