Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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