um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
