When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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