listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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