I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
