She said her name was "party"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
