I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
