Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
