Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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