just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
