i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
