I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
