Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
