so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
